© 2013 Jules

Abject Misery

I want to admit here and now that I am a bit of a drama queen when I am sick. For some reason having gallons of mucus residing in my sinuses makes me want to whine like a two year old. Cold medicine really isn’t an option for me. Either it knocks me out cold for five hours or it turns me into a blathering idiot. Once when I took a full dose of Alka Seltzer I unintentionally reenacted whole scenes from The Hangover. Not flattering. Fortunately I have Wednesdays off from work; praise The Lord for “records day.” Since I’m not a doctor, I don’t have a sixteen inch stack of paperwork to do, so today I get to sleep late and be sick and miserable.

I blame my current wretched state on the manic weather in my neck of the woods. On Saturday it was 108 degrees. I laid around the house like a deflated volleyball positioning myself directly beneath an a/c vent at all times. The next night featured violent thunderstorms and Monday the high was 68 degrees. No wonder I got sick. I can’t keep up with the barometric mood swings.

So after sleeping nine and a half hours last night I finally dragged myself out of bed this morning and whimpered all the way through the house. My dog patiently listened to my self pitying moans while I managed to boil water for oatmeal. After consuming breakfast, I spent about fifteen minutes staring blankly at my wilting orchid. At that point I decided I needed to lay down again.

Now I’m sprawling across my squashy couch and wondering how I ever survived without an iPhone. Before Lola, my iPhone, I might have had to walk all the way down the hall to my laptop to blog. Now I can produce witty posts for my rabid readers AND be sick on the couch, all while watching my pile of used Kleenex rise into a mountain as if it were driven by tectonic forces. (Apologies if my syntax is a bit slurred, I just feel like an elephant is standing on my face, I’m so congested.)


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